The Difference a Coach Can Make in Someone’s Life
By Sara Somasca | BASE YOGA
How a supportive coaching relationship can help us question old beliefs, recognize our worth, and explore new possibilities.
“Maybe this is all I deserve.”
We may never say these words aloud. Yet sometimes they sit quietly beneath our decisions: the opportunities we never pursue, the needs we hesitate to express, the relationships in which we keep making ourselves smaller.
I believe that, at certain moments in life, another person can help us begin to question that sentence. Someone who takes us seriously, respects our boundaries, and recognizes strengths we are struggling to see in ourselves.
A coach can sometimes be one of those people. Through a thoughtful, respectful relationship, they can offer space to explore an important question: What might become possible if I began to see myself differently?
The beliefs we learn through relationships
Our understanding of ourselves develops partly through our relationships. Trauma, particularly within early caregiving relationships, can affect our sense of worth, our ability to trust, and what we expect from other people. Ways of protecting ourselves in difficult circumstances may continue even when those circumstances change.
Messages received from family members, partners, or friends can become deeply familiar:
My needs are too much. I should stay quiet. I cannot trust my judgment. I have to earn love by being useful.
Over time, we may begin to experience these messages as descriptions of who we are. Questioning them can be difficult, especially when we have had few opportunities to experience a different kind of relationship.
This is why I believe encouragement matters most when it is accompanied by experience. Hearing “your voice matters” becomes more meaningful when someone makes room for us to speak, listens carefully, and respects what we say.
Experiencing a different possibility
Imagine someone who is accustomed to having their boundaries dismissed. During a conversation, they say, “I’m not ready to talk about that,” and the other person accepts their answer without pressure.
Or imagine someone who usually apologizes for having needs. They express a preference and discover that the relationship can hold it.
I see these moments as opportunities to practice something unfamiliar: speaking honestly, making a choice, or allowing ourselves to receive support.
A person who offers consistent respect can become a different kind of mirror. Through the way they relate to us, they can help us recognize qualities that criticism or rejection may have made difficult to see: our judgment, our strengths, and our right to have needs.
For me, this is the deeper meaning of saying, “I believe in you.” It means being willing to listen while someone discovers what believing in themselves might look like.
The role a coach can play
A coaching relationship can offer space to explore the beliefs influencing our choices, clarify what matters to us, and identify manageable steps toward change.
Someone might arrive feeling unhappy in their work, uncertain about a relationship, or unable to identify what they want for their future. They may have spent so much time responding to other people’s expectations that their own preferences have become difficult to recognize.
A coach can accompany that exploration with curiosity:
What matters to you here? What do you need? Which expectations feel like your own? What would a manageable next step look like?
I believe there is value in having someone who takes these questions seriously and allows time for the answers to emerge.
Encouragement also needs to make room for reality. Money, housing, family responsibilities, and safety can all affect someone’s options. A person’s worth remains the same when they are uncertain, when progress is slow, or when they cannot yet make a change.
The responsibility of accompanying someone
When someone trusts us during a vulnerable transition, the way we respond matters.
As coaches, we need to pay attention to how we listen, how we ask questions, and how we respond when a person disagrees with us. Respect shows up in ordinary moments: asking permission, welcoming a different perspective, accepting a pause, and honoring the person’s pace.
Safety, trust, collaboration, and a person’s voice and choice are central principles of a trauma-informed approach. They offer an important foundation for thinking about how we accompany others.
Professional boundaries matter, too. Therapists can provide clinical care for trauma and mental health concerns. Coaches support people with goals, decisions, and life transitions within their training and competence. Recognizing when someone needs support from a qualified mental health professional is part of responsible coaching.
My belief in someone should leave room for their own understanding of their life to grow. I want the relationship to strengthen their ability to make choices and trust their judgment.
Making space for the body and our own voice
My interest in body-based work also shapes this philosophy.
When it feels comfortable for the person, I value making space to notice what happens in the body during a conversation: tension when expressing a need, a held breath before disagreeing, or a little more ease when a choice feels possible.
These sensations can become invitations to curiosity, considered alongside thoughts, values, and practical circumstances. The person remains free to decide what those sensations mean and whether they want to explore them.
For me, this is part of making room for the whole person: their words, their experience, their uncertainty, and their capacity to choose.
From receiving support to building self-trust
Ultimately, I hope a supportive coaching relationship helps someone carry a growing sense of self-trust into everyday life.
That might look like expressing a preference without immediately apologizing, recognizing a strength they once dismissed, or taking one manageable step toward something they want.
The importance of a coach’s role lies partly in the care with which they accompany that process. We can offer encouragement while respecting uncertainty. We can recognize someone’s strengths while remaining curious about how they understand themselves.
Sometimes, another person helps us begin by saying:
“Your needs matter. Your choices deserve care. There may be possibilities we can explore together.”
With time, I hope those words become something the person can say to themselves:
“My needs matter. My life has value. I can have a voice in what comes next.”
Sara Somasca | BASE YOGA
Somatic Coach and Yoga Teacher
References
National Child Traumatic Stress Network — Effects of Complex Trauma
SAMHSA — Trauma-Informed Approaches and Programs
International Coaching Federation — Referring a Client to Therapy